Skip to main content

Feeling the Pressure

This week was hard. Even though I had a plan and I thought having an extra day off would help give me the writing boost I needed, I was sadly mistaken. No matter how hard I try to stay ahead of the game, I still feel like I'm playing catch up or I can't stay ahead.

The hardest part for me is that I know exactly what I want to do. But for some reason, I can't execute it in the manner that I envision. There are so many obstacles that arise. And while calling them obstacles, its more like life obligations. You know, if I had a maid, a chef, and personal Uber driver, then I think I'd be able to finish these revisions. The reality is, I don't have any of those things, so I have to figure out for myself. It is a constant battle between fatigue and inspiration that is wearing me down. I also get caught up in the things that I have to do around the house. Not to mention the motherly duties that I have to do like homework, taking children to and from practices that all of my time gets eaten up. I think the hardest part has been for me to disconnect from my world and write new material. I keep second guessing myself and having writer's block.

In order for me to write new material, I have to be able to lose myself in the story. And as of right now I haven't been able to do it. Even though on Sunday and Monday I sat down in my office and tried. I was able to write some, but I didn't even finish the chapter. And I still have another new chapter to add. My deadline of Oct. 15th is slowly creeping up and I am not at all ready or excited about the new material I wrote. As a result, I put my work down and picked up the words of Toni Morrison.

I took the time to study and reflect upon the Afterword written by Toni Morrison for The Bluest Eye. Reading her words and the process in which this literary classic was born made take a deeper look into the meaning of my work. Now, Misunderstood is nothing like The Bluest Eye in terms of the storylines but so much of what she said resonated with me. Her analysis of the conception of her piece gave me an insight into her writing process. When I read Morrison in school it was after she'd written the 1993 Afterword. And I remember looking at that part in class but then I just read as her explaining why she wrote the book. However, I now see it as a reasoning almost like a literary analysis of what she was trying to accomplish as the writer of this book. As I read through her words things started to click and make sense to me as far as my work is concerned. Reading about specific literary moves she decided to make gave me another way to think about what I need to do and should do in my revisions.

It was beneficial to me to step out of my own head and get into another's writers psyche to learn how they approached writing literature. And The Bluest Eye is one of my favorite works that has been added to the cannon in recent history. So to get insight into the mind of Ms. Morrison really allowed me to consider my approach to my own writing-- which I am not suggesting will be added to the cannon. Yet, I do want to approach the writing from a literary perspective where I am making intentional authorly moves to propel the plot forward with good storytelling.

So for this coming week, I am hoping that I find the peace and the time I need to get over this hump because I still have more work to do. I just can't continue to allow deadlines to pile up and without things being moved off of my plate. My plan is to write after work on Friday and all day on Sunday. Saturday will be really emotional as I have to attend the funeral of one of my husband's closest friends. He died tragically and suddenly last weekend so this will be a tough one. I will have to allow myself that day and then try and get back into the work.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Stranded In Newark Airport

Photo: Courtesy of Facebook There are no words that can describe what happened on Thursday, November 15, 2018. Well, actually there are words. Most of which contain expletives. I cannot believe that less than five inches of snow shut New Jersey down. We get snow every year. We're not new to this. And yet, on Thursday as the snow began to fall around 2 in the afternoon, my husband, brother and myself, headed to Newark International Airport on what is usually a 15- 20-minute drive turned into a four-hour trek, where we never drove our car more than ten miles per hour. A few things happened on our journey to and while at the airport: We missed our flight.  I was able to change my flight to a later flight.  We made it to the offsite parking spot two hours before our flight was scheduled to take off.  From the Parking Place, it then took us an hour and fifteen minutes to travel what usually takes seven to eight minutes.  Once we got through security we had an hour to catch

Barely Holding On

It's safe to say I don't know what I'm doing. Well maybe I do know, but I'm overwhelmed. I can't seem to find the time to get it all done. I thought I was ahead of the game when I submitted my work to my agent ( I am very aware of every time I say this. I feel like I sound self- important. However, I do have an agent.) Anyway, I sent my work to my agent and I thought, "Whew, glad that's off my plate." via GIPHY Now, didn't think that I was done with my revisions. However, I also didn't think he'd read and respond and critique my new work within a week. He gave me more notes and now I have to go back through my manuscript from the beginning and read it like a reader and a copy editor simultaneously. The problem is where do I get more hours in a day. I haven't had a moment to breathe, let alone think about all that I have to do. My youngest daughter was sick that threw me off my game. Add that to their grueling cheer schedule of pra

I Need 24 Hours of Solitude

This was the last photo I took. I was so swamped at Thanksgiving I didn't take a single pic. And I'm not even sure if I got dressed for real.  I need to be alone. I'm convinced. I need a day to sit with myself and my thoughts and no other obligations so I can get my thoughts out. My Black Friday plan to work on my thesis because, why not? It was my day off. Instead, I had to host Thanksgiving at my house because my mom wasn't feeling well. Therefore, I spent that Friday trying to recover. I'm so glad my best friend dropped by. She forced me to finish my website . And I must say, I am very proud of myself. I did enough to show the world: Meet Stephanie Jones. The worst part about not actually writing is that I have all of the ideas in my head. I now know exactly what I want to do. I have a plan I've thought about and talked through that forward where I'm planning to discuss how my students, teaching and my daughters were the catalysts for my creativ