Barely Holding On

It's safe to say I don't know what I'm doing. Well maybe I do know, but I'm overwhelmed. I can't seem to find the time to get it all done. I thought I was ahead of the game when I submitted my work to my agent ( I am very aware of every time I say this. I feel like I sound self- important. However, I do have an agent.) Anyway, I sent my work to my agent and I thought, "Whew, glad that's off my plate."


via GIPHY
Now, didn't think that I was done with my revisions. However, I also didn't think he'd read and respond and critique my new work within a week. He gave me more notes and now I have to go back through my manuscript from the beginning and read it like a reader and a copy editor simultaneously. The problem is where do I get more hours in a day. I haven't had a moment to breathe, let alone think about all that I have to do. My youngest daughter was sick that threw me off my game. Add that to their grueling cheer schedule of practice 6 days a week. (I cannot wait for December. Once the National competition is over we are taking a break.)

Then there's work. Teaching 12th grade and 9th grade is hell. I can't tell you the last time I've done thoughtful lesson plans. I do my plans but it's when I get to work, right before class starts. Don't tell my principal. I want to use my time at work to work on my MA thesis like a normal teacher but I haven't been afforded that chance because I'm actually doing work at work.

So yea, to say I'm swamped and overworked is an understatement. Truthfully I need a day to sleep. I'm totally running on E and every single morning I turn my alarm clock off at 5a.m., give myself fifty minutes of ten more minutes until I roll out of bed at 6. Which, wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to drag two little girls out of bed who move like snails maybe even slower because they don't want to go to school. This causes me to start my day behind the eight-ball. And I've been barely making it to work on time. Today I totally didn't make it on time as I was thirty minutes late. I've got to do better.

Needless to say, I have all of my ideas in my head. I even know what I want to do for my E-lit class to make it relate to my MA thesis. My goal is to do a piece that shows the worlds of Newark and Millburn from Mya's (my main character) perspective. I did begin what I think is a first draft of what I hope will turn into my afterword or author's note at the end of Misunderstood. I was inspired enough by Toni Morrison to know that I will not be the next Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou or Alice Walker for that matter and that's okay. A lot of my hesitation and reluctance to write has been because I've tried to be them or write like them and have a story just as important to tell. I can only tell my stories as only they could tell theirs but it is nice to peek in and get inspired. Right about now I can use a little bit of motivation and inspiration.