|This was the last photo I took. I was so swamped at Thanksgiving I didn't take a single pic. And I'm not even sure if I got dressed for real.|
I need to be alone. I'm convinced. I need a day to sit with myself and my thoughts and no other obligations so I can get my thoughts out.
My Black Friday plan to work on my thesis because, why not? It was my day off. Instead, I had to host Thanksgiving at my house because my mom wasn't feeling well. Therefore, I spent that Friday trying to recover. I'm so glad my best friend dropped by. She forced me to finish my website. And I must say, I am very proud of myself. I did enough to show the world: Meet Stephanie Jones.
The worst part about not actually writing is that I have all of the ideas in my head. I now know exactly what I want to do. I have a plan I've thought about and talked through that forward where I'm planning to discuss how my students, teaching and my daughters were the catalysts for my creative piece formerly known as Misunderstood. (The name has been changed to Black Girl Magic, for now. This too could change.)
Quick update about my novel, Misunderstood which is now titled, Black Girl Magic. It is officially on submission. Meaning John, my agent, sent my manuscript to publishers and they're reading it as I type (or at least I hope they are). Anyway, so far I've gotten two passes (or no, but they were promising. I may share them next week) So yea, there's also that. I am patiently waiting or no so patiently waiting, for a publisher to say, we like her book and we want to buy it.
Okay, now back to my thesis, I finally feel like all of the parts are coming together but yet, everything else in my life seems to be pulling me away from what I need to do. And it's not just like frivolous things trying to get my attention, it's my job, my family, life. The funny thing is, I know exactly what I need to do. I can see it as clear as day. And yet, finding even an hour of solitude to knock this thing out has become impossible. You name it, the obstacles are being thrown in my way. As we say in Christianity, the devil is busy. My hubby and I are sharing a car because water was leaking in my car and it ruined the motherboard, and the car was totalled. The list of interruptions and hurdles just seem to go on and on.
Next week, my daughters will be competing at the ESPN Arena in Walt Disney World. But, I have to leave early because of health issues so I may possibly get some time to take my thoughts and pour them onto the page.
Here's what I have so far in my brainstorming:
Talk about my students have influenced me to want to share their stories, or versions of it, with the world.
Discuss how my daughters, who as of yet aren't old enough to read young adult, but time moves fast, need stories to read that reflect them and the people they know. And how I want to teach them that it is never too late. Or you're never too old to chase your dreams. Writing this book, getting an agent and soon (Lord's willing) a book deal is something that I used to dream about as I stared out of my bedroom window in the 2nd-floor apartment of my family's two-family home, on Rose Street in Newark, NJ. Even though I never fell asleep to crickets or dead silence, the backdrop of the sounds of my city pushed me forward.
Lastly, I want to talk about how as an educator I want for my writing to challenge the status quo and become a part of moving the cannon forward. There's enough room for more stories to be added and deemed worthy enough to be taught to a class full of eager minds.
I just need a moment of peace to get the words and ideas from my brain onto my a blank document consuming all of the white space around it. The bottom line is, I know it has to get done. If I want to graduate then it is a must do. But this must do is something I want to do. And I want to do it well. Because I know at this moment, in this time I am at that proverbial fork in the road. A moment in time when I am much older, I'll look back and say, this is where it all began. That was when I began my career as a writer.
So yea, I have to do my best and it has to be my best. And in order to get that, I pray that God grants me some much needed moments of peace. And the muses send me inspiration that sustains.